so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
