Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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