Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
