sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
