woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize