im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
