And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
My vagina just recognized that song.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize