Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
worst night to have a conscience
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize