Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
