just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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