Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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