Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
