okay pat passed out under dana's car
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
