My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize