I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
