So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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