absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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