this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I will be naked everywhere
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
