whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
