your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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