Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
