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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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