Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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