you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
