my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
