is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
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