Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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