nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
