Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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