Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
