In the future we'll all be gay
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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