we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
