There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
