I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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