I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize