By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
