your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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