He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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