Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
