cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
