Taylor Swift is so right about you.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
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