So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
