You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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