Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
