Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
