what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
