does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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