we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize