u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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