the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
