I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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