this beer tastes like vomit already
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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