there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
