I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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