grandma shit on top of the toilet
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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