I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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