I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
