I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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