I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
You're a waste of cheezeits
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Randomize
