I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
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