it hurts more in the daytime
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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