cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Congratulations! We have a period
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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