I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize