I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize