wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
