life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
